Have you ever found yourself in the position of feeling sorry for yourself? Yes? (Oh thank God, at least I’m not alone). Well, you did the best you could. You tried to fix it. And, maybe you even went way out of your way to make things better. In the end, you ended up feeling defeated, down and depressed. You got the picture?
Many times when we are feeling sorry for ourselves we avoid feelings on a deeper level. Instead of being with our feelings on the inner level, we project out onto the outer level. We try to blame the circumstances or the other people involved all to serve the purpose of not dealing with our own feelings of discomfort.
I recently had a good case of feeling sorry for myself. I thought I had been crystal clear, flexible and accommodating. Without going into any details, things did not work out the way I wanted. Before long, I started to feel sorry for myself. I was also blaming myself for making poor choices. After a few days of not being able to shift my perception of the situation I decided to take another approach. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten.
I asked myself a simple question. What do you want, Barbara? With no trouble at all I was able to answer that question. I wanted this and that and if I was really truthful I wanted much more than I was being given in the situation. I had allowed my fears to get in the way of “playing big.”
Asking myself this simple question made all the difference in the world. I had created an opening for a shift to occur. Maybe I did not know right away which way to turn, but new possibilities were at least available. So, what’s the learning? When you feel stuck on any level ask yourself, “What do I want?” Take time to answer the question and see if the new information you generate helps you create a shift. Rather then telling yourself over and over what you don’t like about the situation, be honest with yourself and let yourself know what you do want. Be flexible and patient with the process. Depending on the situation, your version of the “What do I want?” question may be one or more of the following:
- How do I want to feel?
- What do I want to get out of this situation?
- What do I need to learn?
- What do I want from this person or myself?
Knowing what we want is the next step in getting resolution. Even when you think that what is going on with you has nothing to do with getting more clarity, ask yourself anyway…..“What do I want?”
“Unhappiness is in not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it. ”
“If this is coffee, please bring me tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” Abraham Lincoln
If your emotions are sometimes getting in the way, see what happens when they get neutralized. Ready to experience Neuro-Emotional Coaching (TM)?
Come and join me on Tuesday, April 27 from 6:30 – 9:30 pm at Sirani Gallery. For details click here.
I would love to hear from you. Please comment on my blog.
Barbara Schwarck, PCC, MPIA
NeuroEmotional Coach – Speaker -Author
President, Clear Intentions