Many women enter motherhood expecting their lives to change. What often surprises them is how much their identity changes along with it.
In this episode of Something New Is Possible, I’m speaking with Rebecca Olson, an executive life coach, speaker, and host of the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast. Rebecca helps high-achieving working moms create sustainable work-life balance without sacrificing their career ambitions or their presence at home.
Our conversation explored something many women experience but do not always feel free to say out loud: you can love your children deeply and still love your work. You can be grateful to be a mother and still grieve the freedom, independence, and identity you had before. You can want to be present with your family and still want a meaningful career.
Those truths can exist together, even when culture often tells women they should not.
The Motherhood Identity Shift
Rebecca shared that when she became a mother, she went through what she describes as a motherhood identity crisis. The goals she once had began to shift. The career path that had made sense before motherhood suddenly felt different. She found herself asking who she was now and what she wanted her life to look like.
That kind of questioning can feel disorienting, but it is also very common. Motherhood often changes the entire structure of a woman’s life. It changes her time, her priorities, her relationships, her body, her energy, and her sense of possibility.
For high-achieving women, this can be especially complicated. Many have worked hard to build careers they care about. They are used to being capable, productive, and in motion. Then motherhood arrives and suddenly they are asked to hold two identities that can feel as if they are competing with one another.
The Guilt of Loving Your Work
One of the strongest themes in our conversation was guilt.
Rebecca spoke about the guilt many women feel when they love their work and do not always want to be with their children every moment. There is still a cultural expectation that a mother should want to be with her children more than anything else, all the time.
But that expectation does not leave much room for the fullness of a woman’s life.
I shared my own experience of becoming a mother later in life and feeling both excited and overwhelmed. People expected me to only feel joy, but there was also grief. I had lived with independence, freedom, and a meaningful career for many years. Becoming a mother changed all of that.
There was no room, at first, to acknowledge that I could love my children and still grieve parts of the life I had before.
Redefining What Balance Means
Rebecca explained that one of the first things she works on with clients is the belief that work and family are automatically at odds. When a woman believes she must choose between being a committed mother and having a meaningful career, that belief shapes her experience.
The work begins by questioning that assumption.
Rebecca often asks clients to argue the other side. How might it be true that your career and motherhood can support one another? How might your children benefit from seeing you do meaningful work? How might your work make you a more energized, fulfilled, and present parent?
The goal is not to adopt someone else’s version of balance. It is to find a perspective that feels true to you and supports the life you actually want.
When Childcare Becomes a Source of Guilt
Rebecca shared a powerful story from when her daughter was young. Like many working mothers, she struggled with the feeling that someone else was helping raise her child while she was at work.
Then one day, while changing her daughter’s diaper, her daughter made a mooing sound. Rebecca realized that her daughter had learned something from her childcare provider that Rebecca had not taught her.
That moment changed everything.
Instead of seeing childcare only through the lens of loss, she began to see what her daughter was gaining. Her child was learning from people who cared for her, had experience, and were bringing something valuable into her life.
The guilt did not disappear because everything became easy. It shifted because Rebecca found a perspective that felt true and helpful.
Getting Out of Reaction Mode
Many mothers spend years in reaction mode. They are responding to the needs of their children, their work, their home, their schedules, and everyone else’s expectations. Over time, that constant reaction can become survival mode.
Rebecca described the importance of stepping back and creating clarity around what matters. What does balance mean to you? What does success feel like in this season of your life? What internal experience are you actually trying to create?
Balance is not only about dividing hours perfectly between work, family, and self. Most of us are looking for an internal experience. We want to feel grounded, peaceful, successful, present, or steady.
Once we know what we are trying to experience, we can begin making decisions that support it.
The Work-to-Home Transition
One of Rebecca’s most practical suggestions was creating a short work-to-home transition.
Many working mothers move from work into family life without pausing. They carry the stress, unfinished tasks, emails, decisions, and mental noise of the workday straight into their homes. By the time they finally begin to feel present, much of the evening has already passed.
Rebecca recommends taking about 15 minutes to close the workday intentionally. That might include wrapping up small loose ends, deciding what needs attention tomorrow, writing down what went well, and giving yourself permission to be done for the day.
That kind of transition helps create a clearer boundary between work and home. It gives the brain a chance to close one chapter before entering the next.
Preparing Yourself to Come Home
I also shared something I do before picking up my children. I take a moment to set an intention for how I want to meet them. I imagine receiving them with patience, steadiness, and openness, even if they are tired, hungry, or cranky.
Rebecca connected this to the idea of mentally rehearsing how you want to show up. You do not have to pretend the evening will be perfect. The children may still melt down. Dinner may still be messy. The point is to picture yourself responding from the energy you want to bring.
That small moment of intention can change how you enter your family life.
The Daily Kickstart
Rebecca also shared a morning practice she calls the Daily Kickstart. It is a short daily mindset practice designed to help working moms begin the day with more intention.
The idea is simple but powerful. Once a day, choose a thought that helps you feel successful, capable, grounded, or steady. It might be “I am doing enough,” “I am capable,” “I am valuable,” or “I am safe.”
Then you build evidence for that thought and consider what might get in the way of believing it throughout the day. This helps you prepare for the roadblocks before they happen, rather than being caught by them in the moment.
Key Takeaways
- Small daily practices can help create steadiness, presence, and intention.
- Work-life balance means something different for every woman.
- Motherhood can create a real identity shift, especially for women who love their careers.
- Guilt often comes from inherited beliefs about what mothers are supposed to want.
- You can love your children and still want meaningful work.
- Balance begins with clarity about what you want to feel and experience.
Learn more about Rebecca:
Rebecca Olson is an executive life coach, speaker, and host of the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast. She helps high-achieving working moms create sustainable work-life balance without sacrificing their career ambitions or family presence.
Get in touch with Rebecca:
Website ✧ LinkedIn ✧ Instagram ✧ Daily Kickstart ✧ Podcast
