Several weeks ago, I had a routine mammogram. The results were negative. There is no history of breast cancer in my family, but I believe in preventive care and follow the yearly check up guidelines.

A week later, I arrived home to hear a disturbing voicemail message. My gynecologist’s office called to request I schedule an appointment to review the results of my mammogram. The message was phrased in such a way that it made me worry instantly. “Why were they calling?” I wondered, “The doctor at the imaging place told me everything was fine.” “Well, they did take a second x-ray, did they make a mistake?” I was shaken and because I got the message late in the day I had to wait until morning to call. (By the way, all is well with me, but please keep reading).

That evening I was scheduled to attend a networking function. I questioned my ability to be effective knowing I could be distracted by thinking about the voicemail message. Nevertheless I decided to go because I had made a commitment to attend. I realized I was glad to have something to do that would distract me from thinking about my breasts. Off I went.

In co-active coaching, we differentiate listening into three areas. We call those listening level I, listening level II and listening level III. Listening level I is present when all the focus is on you. You are in a conversation, hear some news and rather than really hearing what the other person is saying your attention is with you, your thoughts and feelings. Listening level I was present when I received the message. I played the message several times because I had a hard time listening to all of it without switching the focus to me. When we are in listening level I, there is room for little else than ourselves.

Listening level II is the opposite from level I. All your attention is focused on the other person. I was doing listening level II when I was watching the soccer games. My focus was on the game. You can see young lovers in listening level II, it is all about the other person.

Listening level III is present when we pay attention to the environment such as noticing the energy in the room or outside the room. Listening level III was required when I went to the networking event. I was aware of what was happening and therefore able to make the most of my networking efforts.

As a coach, I spend most of my time in listening levels I, II and III. While I am intently listening to my clients (level II), I am accessing my intuition (level I) while listening to what’s present in the room (level III). This 360 degree approach works best for me because it is all-inclusive.

What can you do with this information? Perhaps start by noticing what level of listening you use at any given moment. If you spend too much time in any one level it is worth practicing other levels. If you use this model to increase your listening, I assure you that you will enhance your relationships.

"Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe."

-- Robert Service

Spend time in every listening level. Practice and make some notes about what it feels like when you are listening differently. How is the outside world responding to you being a different listener?

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."

Albert Einstein

Interested in helping the environment?

It takes less energy to start the engine of a car than it takes to let the car run for a minute. You may want to turn your car engines off sooner rather than later. It also saves gas.

Air conditioning contributes to global warming. That’s true for air conditioning in cars as well. Turn the air warmer by a degree? Just a thought.