We all have people in our lives with whom we don’t get along. There are some people we simply don’t like and don’t care to get along with them--ever. There are some people who, no matter what we do, we just can’t seem to get along with them. And there are some people, who, if we would actually admit our true feelings, we would have to say that they have pushed our buttons so many times we downright – dare I say it? - hate them. I know “hate” is a strong word, but think about it, you have probably felt that emotion toward another person at one time. The good news is I think it would not be possible to get along with everyone all the time. The bad news is we do need to learn how to get along better with difficult people.

So, what to do when we find ourselves in a situation with difficult people?

Let’s begin with the realization that the prime directive in those situations is not to take things personally. Easier said than done, I know. If we remove ourselves from the situation, we have a better sense of what is going on and we have more objectivity. In most cases, we would realize the person is not just difficult with one person, but difficult in general or difficult with blue-eyed people or .... We will never know exactly what is going on inside a person. In most cases, people are difficult because they are experiencing strong negative emotions, either consciously or unconsciously or both. So, since we often don’t know what sets them off – don’t take it personally.

The second most important skill to exercise with difficult people is communicating clearly and neutrally. Know what you want and practice saying it clearly and without emotion. There is no room for blame, finger pointing, whining or collapse as that will get you nowhere. This is especially true if you are communicating with a superior. Just state the facts and if you sense a problem on the horizon address it as soon as possible. Clear communication is important because not only do you reveal facts with it, but you use it to set boundaries as well.

The third skill you will need to learn has to do with “what goes comes around,” also known as the law of reversibility. I suggest you treat your difficult person the way you want to be treated. In other words, if it is okay for you to be yelled and scream at, go right ahead. However, if you wish to be treated with courtesy and kindness, then treat others that way. Difficult people deserve to be treated well. That doesn’t mean they may abuse you. If a person oversteps your boundaries, you have the right to let them know they are doing so. In the worse cast scenario I suggest you leave or ask them to leave if it is appropriate.

Finally, get support from others. I am not suggesting you start to gossip and find people who will join your side. Rather get support from friends who can assist you with assessing the situation. Is this person frequently difficult? What am I doing to create, promote or allow it? What can I do to change the situation? Are my boundaries clear, and is my communication neutral? Check thoroughly and only if there is nothing left to do, then seek separation. Sometimes it is necessary because people’s visions, personalities and behaviors are so different. If you can’t seek separation, use the first three guidelines as much as possible. Don’t take it personally; communicate clearly and neutrally; and, treat everyone the way you would like to me treated. Now, if you’re honest with yourself and realize you are the difficult one, why not see if you can change your way of being. Life is short and perhaps there changes you can make so you can bring to yourself more of what you want.

I encourage you to summon up the courage to transform any of the difficult relationships in your life. The sooner you start, the sooner the changes can occur. Namaste.

“Baseball will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us.”

Walt Whitman

Call or write a friend or family member you care about and with whom you’re experiencing difficulties. Let them know you care about them before you try to figure out how you can change interactions so things are more pleasant. If you are the difficult party, be courageous and take responsibility for your actions and initiate change.

"A person starts to live
when he can live outside himself."

Albert Einstein